Inverse Marlonism

Inverse Marlonism is a sect that diverges from the core tenets of Marlonism. It includes worship of the Jomar as a being equal in power to the lazy god. This sacred union of the two divine teachings is otherwise known as Jomarlonism.

In Inverse Marlonism, the Jomar is known as Baljeet and his mission is to gather up Highlanders for some divine purpose. ("Puk-pukang Intsik", which is to be explained below.)

Although not yet proclaimed heretical (since the Marlon is too lazy to announce so) many of it's teachings put cultists of the faiths at odds with each other.

Recently, the rise of Denism has given this sect a surge of popularity. However, it remains in the minority. Due to recent religious tensions, Jomarlonists commonly call the Denist god ' Shadow Cherub'.

Pre-Genesis
One of the divergent teachings of Inverse Marlonism is 'Pre-genesis' - The story of everything before everything.

It details that there were only three things that existed in the beginning: Nothingness, Laziness (Marlon), and Impulse (Jomar). Since nothing was boring, the Jomar decided to trick the Marlon. The Divine Impulse told him that 'They should do nothing to pass the time', since he was bored.

The Marlon, being too lazy to think through what was just said, responded by saying that he felt too lazy to do nothing. He inadvertedly created everything in the world today so that he could avoid doing nothing. By doing so, that was how everything came to be.

When Marlon realized what had just occured, he fled from the divine nothingness and settled on the world he had created. The Jomar was left behind for a thousand years, before he would descend to the world as well. It is said that he descended with a golden turban and a godly voice, and he taught men the secrets of the divine.

Thus he was called the 'Baljeet the Highlander'.

In modern times, Marlon has been called the 'Status Quo' of the universe, the will to remain the same, while Jomar is the universe's desire to change.

Practices
Inverse Marlonists practice the swinging of Identification Materials while singing the Highlander Chant. This practice represents the cycle of all living things and the culmination of impulse. It is said that when one has achieved a perfect twirl that is the culmination of their life's work, as well as completing all ten minutes of the Highlander Chant, they are blessed with a resplendent golden turban and a godly voice.

Thus, they become Highlanders, and ascend to join Baljeet in his holy works.

Indeed, pilgrimages of five practitioners are commonly seen along the sacred road of Lapu-Lapu, twirling their Identification Cards and singing the holy chant of the Highlanders.

Here is a link to a sanctioned performance of the Highlander Chant, and potentially evidence of an inverse Marlonist's ascension.

Pilgrimage
The most holy pilgrimage site for Jomarlonists of the current era is to go to his abode in the land of Pilar, illuminated by Mercury's light, to the west.

The abbots and priests there reenact the sacred mass feeding miracle of the Jomar. Traditionally, they serve Goto and Fried Tofu to the pilgrims, foodstuffs usually donated by the faithful.

The faithful write their names on the paper bowls received and blessed by the Jomarlonist priests, which are then filled with blessed food and tofu, traditionally cooked with holy garlic. They must eat this sacred meal, then leave their named bowls on an altar to the benevolent god.

After this, they all traditionally partake of the black drink. It is contained in a hermetically sealed glass bottle covered with a red paper charm. The black drink is refilled each day by the abbots and the priests.

After performing the sacred feeding, pilgrims usually engage in other spiritual rituals and festivities, such as 'Laruang Robot' (see below)

In ancient times, a practice shared by both Inverse Marlonists and Marlonists is the pilgrimage to sacred sites in Ayeppeessee, such as the Sauh memorial. Caphetheria is another such hot spot by pilgrims of both faiths.

Another early practice involves finding the Derp King's 'true' home. As a feat only realized by a few people, (all of them legendary heroes of the Sauh conflict) it is said that both The Marlon and The Jomar performed this practice themselves. Once a true believer has entered the house, his/her next task is to imbibe the sacred 'Dried Herringtons' - and achieve enlightenment for doing so.

The Derp King is against this practice, saying that true faith doesn't need such pilgrimages, and that he might run out of dried herringtons to serve his guests.

Ascension
Ascended Inverse Marlonists are called Highlanders, and they bear great golden turbans. They speak with the voice of Baljeet himself. To ascend, one must perform the activities outlined in the practices section above. This is no easy task, and only few are ever blessed with the radiance of Baljeet himself.

When a new Highlander is born, it is said that he/she is blessed with the ability to break glass and reform it on a whim. This ability is important when they are called by Baljeet to fight alongside him in an elborate ritual known as Puk-pukang Intsik.

Every night, the world is under threat from strange unnamed faceless chinese warriors and monsters who appear infinitely from the void known as 'The Internets'. Baljeet and the other Highlanders perform a ritual where they become warriors armed with sacred weapons and turbans. They fight alongside the Jomar in an endless battle that ends in the morning. Their victory ensures that the world lives on for another day.

Entire Dynasties of highlanders have fought alongside Baljeet in Puk-pukang Intsik. Lines of Ascended Inverse Marlonists fill their ranks.

This practice has evolved into another warrior-practice known as Laruang Robot. Sacred effigies to please the god Jomar are prepared and then ritually assembled and placed upon altars.

Faithful Jomarites will meditate and leave their mortal coil to fight other Jomarites in spiritual battle, using the bodies of their effigies in this dream-like war. This practice has spilled over to Inverse Marlonists as well, and these wargames are often practiced when performing the pilgrimage to the Abode of Jomar.